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'08
Dear Catherine,
Since my divorce of a few years ago, I have been living in a state
of inner peace. Recently, however, I began dating again after meeting
a man who is fun and loving but has an eye for ladies and flirts
with others at parties. He says that he wants a relationship where
he is free to date others and that I should be free enough to let
him. I'm not at peace much anymore because I'm constantly feeling
jealous and threatened. I don't like the inner disturbance that
I'm experiencing now. How can I handle these feelings and get back
to a state of calm?
—J.C., Vancouver
Dear J.C.,
When the stress of this relationship starts to outweigh the fun,
it may be time to move on. And you need make no apology to him or
anyone else about what feels right and good to you. His idea about
your ability to be free in the face of his behavior seems suspiciously
self-serving. When the time comes, use your true inner freedom to
walk away from someone who doesn't want a committed relationship
with you. It doesn't sound like you are in too deep with this one.
—Catherine
Dear Catherine,
How would you suggest that one approach a life/career decision?
I work for a major corporation that is in reorganization. This week
I was told that I must decide either to leave the company or take
on another position with them that is more risky but has greater
earning potential. I'm in a bit of a quandary and cannot decide
between these options. Do I leave and chance the unknown or stay
and get creative? You can't answer this for me, of course, but I
would appreciate your advice on how to approach such a decision
from a spiritual perspective. Thank you.
—L.C., Los Angeles
Dear L.C.,
In making any kind of decision, we have a tendency to weigh the
various options and play out multiple scenarios and outcomes in
our minds. This is a normal process and seems to happen on its own.
The mind will come to a point of natural exhaustion in that process.
The facts are all in—the data about the options—and the
mind has duly recorded and considered them. It is at that point
that a dharmic perspective is useful because it encourages the mind
to relax after all its hard work and let the heart feel what it
wants, rather than just letting the mind rest temporarily and then
going over the same details in a frenzied confusion. Most of the
great inspirations in our lives spring from a silence of the mind
and heart, not from a lot of thinking. Give yourself some quiet
time and see what reveals itself about your next steps.
—Catherine
Dear Catherine,
About two years ago I invited a friend to share my house, both wanting
the company and to share expenses. However, living with her has
turned out to be a huge mistake as our living habits and ways of
doing things are completely incompatible. I have asked her to find
another place to live, but she is angry about this and seems to
purposely be doing things to annoy me. On one hand I feel I have
the right to have my own house back, but on the other I feel that
I am being a bad friend by asking her to move out and have carried
this so far as to judge myself as intolerant and selfish. Could
you please shed some perspective on this situation?
Thank you,
—L.G., Portland
Dear L.G.,
If talking things through and setting ground rules for how to live
in the same space together has not worked, then it is probably best
for your friend to move elsewhere. Otherwise, your situation could
further deteriorate until there is virtually no friendship left.
Try to be as kind and generous as possible in giving time and help
in your friend's relocation. But know that it is fair enough for
you to want—and have—peace in your own home.
—Catherine
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